WP2 and SeekingP are very similiar in what they need, and I had to share his feedback below:
* * *
The comments in you blog by SeekingP regarding seeking, recieving, completing and submitting a written punishment are ones I can relate to. I do get excited when I am confessing to you Mistress and when I know that task is on it's way. When I first read the intructions and punishment you have set I am quite in awe of the punishment that has been set. When I begin the punishment, the initial excitement does fade and the task does turn into a punishment, especially when trying to complete it at various places. Having instructions to wear panties or kiss shoes brings into focus that it is a punishment I've submitted myself to and that it's deserved. As I draw to the end of the task my heart lightens and on completion I feel a great sense of relief but also of achievement. Then, of course, is the waiting for your review and either acceptance, permissions or instructions for further punishment.
Do I regret seeking punishment? When I'm at line 103 of a 250 or 500 line punishment I do feel that I am being punished and not engaging in an act of personal pleasure, it is a true punishment but when I have completed it, I look back at the pages of lines and the feeling of regret is one of pride that I have completed a task that you, Mistress, have instructed. I do deserve the punishment and to feel punished for my actions and am very please that you are able to attend to me in this manner.
With that in mind, Mistress, I am now reporting to you Mistress for a new punishment.
Showing posts with label Seeking P. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Seeking P. Show all posts
Friday, December 10, 2010
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Final Report (For Now)
by SeekingP
When we started, I knew that SeekingP only intended to train with me while his Lady was out of town for a few months. While She has been gone, we have worked on his porn addiction and the fact that he needs to focus on Her service and pleasure rather than on letting his own selfish habits take his time and attention away from her. We have also worked on his disrespectful actions toward other women, such as his tendency to stare at their assets as they walk by on the street.
I am really glad to see that my combination of written punishments and cock control have made a difference for him. While I am sad to see him go, I understand that now he needs to focus on his own Goddess. And I do have to say that she is a very lucky lady to have such an intelligent and sensual boy who knows that it is his place to please Her. The fact that he noticed that his focus was straying from Her and took steps to change that speaks well of him. I would hope that I could help other committed couples in much the same way.
I don't think a few sessions will solve every problem, and do believe that long-term reinforcement may often be required. Since SeekingP was straightforward with me, I am happy to help, if at any point, he finds himself slipping or in need of additional training, and would welcome working with him again.
* * *
Dear Mistress Magick,
I am happy that you have accepted my lines and have granted me an orgasm.
It took me a bit of time to start on this set of lines. I had used up almost all the pages of my legal sized notepad, so I had to go to the stationary shop and get myself a new pad of paper. I also had come down with a bit of a head cold, which was making me rather slow and tired. But after I assembled the necessary stationary, I started on my lines. This set of lines seemed to go quite slowly. It seemed to take a long time to even approach the half-way mark. But the lines were doing their job of reminding me of what's important and what I shouldn't do.
Going to work in the morning after having spent part of the previous night writing my line was a good experience. I could hear and feel my line in my head, reminding me that I was *not* allowed to stare at and ogle women. My focus should be on my Goddess, not on disrespecting random women in the street.
During this time, I'd been working on completing a To-Do list of things that I want to do in preparation for my Goddess's homecoming. It is now just a short time until she will be home, and I want to do what I can to welcome her, make her feel special and comfortable. And I'm also looking forward to the sex that we will have, and I've been fantasizing about all the different ways I want to pleasure and pamper her when she gets home.
I was happy when I finally finished my lines. I waited for your response and was happy to be granted an orgasm, as at that point it had been more than a week since I'd had one. It is amazing to know that I can go for a week or more without cumming and that such a schedule can begin to feel normal to my body, compared to sometimes having multiple orgasms per day when I was in charge of my cock.
I received your email on Thursday morning, so I'd have to wait until Thursday night to give myself an orgasm. I followed your instructions, thinking about my Goddess and all the ways I wanted to pleasure and pamper her. This was easy, as her impending return already had me thinking about the things I wanted to do to welcome her back, and all the different ways I want to kiss and lick her. I edged 4 or 5 times over the course of 20 minutes, and then finally pleasured myself until I went over the edge. The orgasm felt good, then I quickly licked my seed from my hand before it went cold or my arousal subsided. I don't enjoy the taste of my cum, but there it was...I thus cleaned up my mess and then went to sleep.
I am proud of myself, as it's been nearly a month since I've engaged in my porn habit. Instead, I've been able to focus on doing more productive things and on how I want to treat my Goddess and and our sexualities. But I also know that a month is not a lot of time, and that it is still quite easy to fall back into old habits, spending hours viewing porn on the internet. But so far I've been good, and I intend to really try to keep it up (no pun intended). My Goddess will now be home in a week, so I want to fill this week full of chores that I can do to make the house clean an welcoming for her return, as well as fantasies about all the different ways I want to hug, kiss and pleasure her when she gets back. Upon her return, I think it will be easy for me to focus on her and be a good submissive servant. In the longer term, it may be harder, but it's a challenge that I'm up for.
At the moment I can't think of other behaviours that I would like to address in this way. I feel that my behaviour has improved over the course of the last month, and now I'm trying to focus on my Goddess's return and on how I want to focus my sexuality on her.
In submission,
SeekingP
I am really glad to see that my combination of written punishments and cock control have made a difference for him. While I am sad to see him go, I understand that now he needs to focus on his own Goddess. And I do have to say that she is a very lucky lady to have such an intelligent and sensual boy who knows that it is his place to please Her. The fact that he noticed that his focus was straying from Her and took steps to change that speaks well of him. I would hope that I could help other committed couples in much the same way.
I don't think a few sessions will solve every problem, and do believe that long-term reinforcement may often be required. Since SeekingP was straightforward with me, I am happy to help, if at any point, he finds himself slipping or in need of additional training, and would welcome working with him again.
* * *
Dear Mistress Magick,
I am happy that you have accepted my lines and have granted me an orgasm.
It took me a bit of time to start on this set of lines. I had used up almost all the pages of my legal sized notepad, so I had to go to the stationary shop and get myself a new pad of paper. I also had come down with a bit of a head cold, which was making me rather slow and tired. But after I assembled the necessary stationary, I started on my lines. This set of lines seemed to go quite slowly. It seemed to take a long time to even approach the half-way mark. But the lines were doing their job of reminding me of what's important and what I shouldn't do.
Going to work in the morning after having spent part of the previous night writing my line was a good experience. I could hear and feel my line in my head, reminding me that I was *not* allowed to stare at and ogle women. My focus should be on my Goddess, not on disrespecting random women in the street.
During this time, I'd been working on completing a To-Do list of things that I want to do in preparation for my Goddess's homecoming. It is now just a short time until she will be home, and I want to do what I can to welcome her, make her feel special and comfortable. And I'm also looking forward to the sex that we will have, and I've been fantasizing about all the different ways I want to pleasure and pamper her when she gets home.
I was happy when I finally finished my lines. I waited for your response and was happy to be granted an orgasm, as at that point it had been more than a week since I'd had one. It is amazing to know that I can go for a week or more without cumming and that such a schedule can begin to feel normal to my body, compared to sometimes having multiple orgasms per day when I was in charge of my cock.
I received your email on Thursday morning, so I'd have to wait until Thursday night to give myself an orgasm. I followed your instructions, thinking about my Goddess and all the ways I wanted to pleasure and pamper her. This was easy, as her impending return already had me thinking about the things I wanted to do to welcome her back, and all the different ways I want to kiss and lick her. I edged 4 or 5 times over the course of 20 minutes, and then finally pleasured myself until I went over the edge. The orgasm felt good, then I quickly licked my seed from my hand before it went cold or my arousal subsided. I don't enjoy the taste of my cum, but there it was...I thus cleaned up my mess and then went to sleep.
I am proud of myself, as it's been nearly a month since I've engaged in my porn habit. Instead, I've been able to focus on doing more productive things and on how I want to treat my Goddess and and our sexualities. But I also know that a month is not a lot of time, and that it is still quite easy to fall back into old habits, spending hours viewing porn on the internet. But so far I've been good, and I intend to really try to keep it up (no pun intended). My Goddess will now be home in a week, so I want to fill this week full of chores that I can do to make the house clean an welcoming for her return, as well as fantasies about all the different ways I want to hug, kiss and pleasure her when she gets back. Upon her return, I think it will be easy for me to focus on her and be a good submissive servant. In the longer term, it may be harder, but it's a challenge that I'm up for.
At the moment I can't think of other behaviours that I would like to address in this way. I feel that my behaviour has improved over the course of the last month, and now I'm trying to focus on my Goddess's return and on how I want to focus my sexuality on her.
In submission,
SeekingP
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Exquisite Written Punishment & Release Report
by SeekingP
It's very obvious that SeekingP is a wonderfully sensuous submissive who simply adores his Goddess... the kind of boy that we all would love to have. Unfortunately, he has let a porn addiction divert his time and attention way from her. I enjoying training him to refocus his energy back where it belongs. In this case, his line was:
My sexuality is to be used for the pleasure of my Goddess, not for taking my time away from her.
* * *
Dear Mistress Magick,
Thank you for granting me a release in response to the completion of my assignment.
Your choice of line and repetitions served as good learning point for me. As a lover and submissive male, I need to work on focusing on serving my Goddess and providing her with pleasure. My past actions have been selfish and I have neglected to use my sexuality in a productive way.
When I saw that you had assigned only 150 lines, I initially thought that this might be a shorter assignment than the last one you gave me. However, I soon realised that this line was longer, and that I would still spend various hours writing it, a boring task that I nonetheless deserve for my bad behaviour.
Receiving your instructions gave me a sexual buzz, though once I actually started on the lines, the tedium set in. With each line I was reminded why I was writing the lines, and of my determination to be better in the future. It felt like it took ages to get to the half-way mark with these lines. It seemed to go quicker after they were half done, but I still had to spend time at the task several days in a row.
The lines made me think about how much I want to pleasure my Goddess, and how much I'm looking forward to her coming home. They also reminded me of what I'm not to do, that I'm not to waste my time viewing porn. My struggle with porn has been long and difficult, but with the help of your discipline I've been good and resisted the temptation for the last 10 days. Wearing my thongs helped me to feel like a submissive little slut, to remind me that I should try and be as sexy and pleasing as possible to my partner, and that other women do not exist for the purpose of titillating me. My lust should be channelled towards pleasing the woman in my life, not objectifying strangers.
I was happy and satisfied when I completed my lines. I then paid my fine to you. My feelings about the fines are interesting. I understand why you want a tribute in return for providing your time to wayward males such as myself. But in all my years of internet use, I have never spent money on porn. I've been willing to waste my time viewing pictures, but never my money. So, it's rather ironic for me that I am spending my time and money on your discipline. This is not meant as a complaint, just a reflection on my feelings. I appreciate your help and discipline and realise that the tributes allow you to put time towards us subs.
Over the last 10 days I have found myself increasingly focused on how I want to treat my Goddess and be intimate with her upon her return. I have made a to do list of things I would like to do to serve her and welcome her on her return in 3 weeks. Things like stocking up on favourite foods, massage oils, and candles. I'd like to spend the next few weeks focusing on how I can treat and pleasure and serve my Goddess when she's back at home. Your discipline has greatly helped in pushing me into that loving, submissive mindset.
I was excited and pleased when I read your release instructions. Partly, I was just glad to be granted a release, as it had been almost a week since the last one I was allowed. I got your email yesterday morning, but I was in a rush to head to work and so carrying our your instructions would have to wait until the evening. All day I thought about how good the orgasm would feel, and about how I want to put my arms around by beautiful lover. When I got home from work, I went about my usual chores and tasks in the evening, anticipating bedtime when I would edge and bring myself to orgasm.
When bedtime finally arrived, I lit candles in the bedroom, imagining that my Goddess was there with me to enjoy the romantic flickering. I edged for about 20 minutes, bringing myself to the edge 4 or 5 times. I imagined spending time curled up snuggling with my Goddess. I imagined making love to her. I even fantasised about your suggested 'rule' that I always go to bed and cuddle with her, no strings attached...Her coming to expect that form of intimate service, of my holding her close, for her to drift off to sleep or receive a massage, or make love, depending on what she feels like. That type of service hits my sub button and made me feel quite hot and horny.
After 20 minutes of edging, I turned on my side, held one hand to the head of my cock, and slowly pushed myself over the edge. Large amounts of cum came gushing forth, with a little bit spilling on the sheets. But I caught most of it in my hand, and immediately licked it up. As with the actual writing of the lines, I don't really enjoy the taste of my seed. But it is discipline and I appreciate the effect this has on me. I licked my cum off my hand and fingers and soaked in the feeling of submission, of doing this because I was instructed to. I thought about how it feels to give a woman control over my cock, and thought abut how I want to give that control to my Goddess upon her return.
I drank a bit of water, and with a slightly unpleasant salty taste still in my mouth, I rolled over, exhausted, and fell asleep.
Thank you, Mistress Magick, for your control and discipline. I look forward to your next assignment. I also look forward to the return of my Goddess, with a renewed feeling of how I want to pleasure and serve her.
Yours in submission,
SeekingP
My sexuality is to be used for the pleasure of my Goddess, not for taking my time away from her.
* * *
Dear Mistress Magick,
Thank you for granting me a release in response to the completion of my assignment.
Your choice of line and repetitions served as good learning point for me. As a lover and submissive male, I need to work on focusing on serving my Goddess and providing her with pleasure. My past actions have been selfish and I have neglected to use my sexuality in a productive way.
When I saw that you had assigned only 150 lines, I initially thought that this might be a shorter assignment than the last one you gave me. However, I soon realised that this line was longer, and that I would still spend various hours writing it, a boring task that I nonetheless deserve for my bad behaviour.
Receiving your instructions gave me a sexual buzz, though once I actually started on the lines, the tedium set in. With each line I was reminded why I was writing the lines, and of my determination to be better in the future. It felt like it took ages to get to the half-way mark with these lines. It seemed to go quicker after they were half done, but I still had to spend time at the task several days in a row.
The lines made me think about how much I want to pleasure my Goddess, and how much I'm looking forward to her coming home. They also reminded me of what I'm not to do, that I'm not to waste my time viewing porn. My struggle with porn has been long and difficult, but with the help of your discipline I've been good and resisted the temptation for the last 10 days. Wearing my thongs helped me to feel like a submissive little slut, to remind me that I should try and be as sexy and pleasing as possible to my partner, and that other women do not exist for the purpose of titillating me. My lust should be channelled towards pleasing the woman in my life, not objectifying strangers.
I was happy and satisfied when I completed my lines. I then paid my fine to you. My feelings about the fines are interesting. I understand why you want a tribute in return for providing your time to wayward males such as myself. But in all my years of internet use, I have never spent money on porn. I've been willing to waste my time viewing pictures, but never my money. So, it's rather ironic for me that I am spending my time and money on your discipline. This is not meant as a complaint, just a reflection on my feelings. I appreciate your help and discipline and realise that the tributes allow you to put time towards us subs.
Over the last 10 days I have found myself increasingly focused on how I want to treat my Goddess and be intimate with her upon her return. I have made a to do list of things I would like to do to serve her and welcome her on her return in 3 weeks. Things like stocking up on favourite foods, massage oils, and candles. I'd like to spend the next few weeks focusing on how I can treat and pleasure and serve my Goddess when she's back at home. Your discipline has greatly helped in pushing me into that loving, submissive mindset.
I was excited and pleased when I read your release instructions. Partly, I was just glad to be granted a release, as it had been almost a week since the last one I was allowed. I got your email yesterday morning, but I was in a rush to head to work and so carrying our your instructions would have to wait until the evening. All day I thought about how good the orgasm would feel, and about how I want to put my arms around by beautiful lover. When I got home from work, I went about my usual chores and tasks in the evening, anticipating bedtime when I would edge and bring myself to orgasm.
When bedtime finally arrived, I lit candles in the bedroom, imagining that my Goddess was there with me to enjoy the romantic flickering. I edged for about 20 minutes, bringing myself to the edge 4 or 5 times. I imagined spending time curled up snuggling with my Goddess. I imagined making love to her. I even fantasised about your suggested 'rule' that I always go to bed and cuddle with her, no strings attached...Her coming to expect that form of intimate service, of my holding her close, for her to drift off to sleep or receive a massage, or make love, depending on what she feels like. That type of service hits my sub button and made me feel quite hot and horny.
After 20 minutes of edging, I turned on my side, held one hand to the head of my cock, and slowly pushed myself over the edge. Large amounts of cum came gushing forth, with a little bit spilling on the sheets. But I caught most of it in my hand, and immediately licked it up. As with the actual writing of the lines, I don't really enjoy the taste of my seed. But it is discipline and I appreciate the effect this has on me. I licked my cum off my hand and fingers and soaked in the feeling of submission, of doing this because I was instructed to. I thought about how it feels to give a woman control over my cock, and thought abut how I want to give that control to my Goddess upon her return.
I drank a bit of water, and with a slightly unpleasant salty taste still in my mouth, I rolled over, exhausted, and fell asleep.
Thank you, Mistress Magick, for your control and discipline. I look forward to your next assignment. I also look forward to the return of my Goddess, with a renewed feeling of how I want to pleasure and serve her.
Yours in submission,
SeekingP
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Excellent Written Punishment, Release & Infraction Report
by SeekingP
This is from another of my Written Punishment boys (not WP2). I've posted it, along with more information about how I first started assigning Written Punishments and which ones I enjoy most, in my blog at male-service.com, but also wanted to post it here for your enjoyment.
* * *
Dear Mistress Magick,
Thank you for accepting my work, it makes me happy to know that the work was up to your high standards. As you noted, the scanner itself has seen better days, and does produce some spots.
I will remember your suggestion of a thank you paragraph if I'm required to write lines to you once again.
Thank you for granting me an orgasm, it was enjoyable to give myself release on your command. You requested that I think of and report on other offences:
In terms of other porn-viewing occasions, there are so many that it's difficult to know where to begin. I have been interested in porn and kinky porn for many years, and have spent quite a lot of time viewing it. I have nothing against the production or viewing of porn per se, though I find that the way porn is produced and consumed is quite symptomatic of the subjugation and objectification of women in society. However, I often have found myself spending many hours viewing porn, in search of the one picture that really does it for me and takes me over the edge. These are hours that I'm spending on my own pleasure, rather than doing more productive things for myself or for my Goddess. The submissive in me finds the waste of hours of time looking at porn to be unacceptable.
However, one common situation does stand out to me. My partner is an early riser and often goes to bed before me. I am a late bird, so I would often not go to bed with her, but rather stay up a bit later. Often I would feel horny and end up staying up very late, viewing porn and masturbating. And I would usually feel guilty afterwards...I should have been pleasuring and hugging my Goddess, but instead I've wasted my time objectifying other women and focusing my energy on them.
The other thing that I've felt deserves to be punished is my sometimes leering behaviour on the street. I smoke (yes, I do want to quit at some point, but not right at the moment. And when I do I think I want to keep quitting and my kink separate.) so when I'm at work I go outside the building and smoke. When I do so, I often find myself pacing around and turning my head in order to have a look at the buttocks of women who walk by on the sidewalk. Now, I think it's somewhat natural to look at an attractive person who walks by. But it's another thing to do so in an obvious way...and I think I cross that line sometimes. Especially when I'm feeling horny, I will leer at the bottoms of the women who walk by. I would like to change this behaviour, and I have to some extent, but there is also something quite natural and automatic about eyeing attractive people who walk by. I feel that some discipline might do me some good, though I also struggle to find a good strategy to avoid leering. Do I stare at the ground instead? There is just something so natural about watching the women walk by, I struggle to avoid it.
As to my feelings being punished, I found the experience quite powerful. I had to muster the courage to ask for a punishment on the list. Requesting punishment is a weird thing. I didn't think I'd really enjoy writing all those lines, so requesting something that will be less than pleasant is a weird thing. But I also kink on it. One thing is kinking on the punishment and having a sort of play 'offence' to justify it. But if it is something that I really feel bad about and want to change, then it somehow goes beyond just play somehow. Because a lot of kinky play is activity that I really like...but writing lines?? But I asked...and waited for a response.
I was quite excited when I got your response. I have found that anticipation can be very stimulating, guessing at what your punishment might be. I thought of doing the lines not because I wanted to, but because I wanted to improve myself and also obey a dominant woman. So that was a happy, nervous sort of anticipation. When I got the assignment, I was still quite turned on by the thought of the punishment. I savoured the opportunity to carry out your command.
Once I began writing the lines, I found it tedious, boring and painful. It was not really fun to spend all that time writing lines and having my hand hurt, even if I am a bit of a masochist. However, I knew why I was writing them and knew that I just needed to go ahead and finish. Wearing a thong while writing them also reminded me of my submission and my desire to be a good submissive slut. In my mind I thought that this punishment might help me to avoid the offensive behaviour, which made me hopeful at the same time. And I have to say I am proud that I now haven't viewed porn since the beginning of last weekend. Not really much time to be proud of, but it is nonetheless satisfying.
All that time, I didn't masturbate. With my lover not around and knowing I didn't have permission to orgasm, I found it was actually easier than I thought to abstain from playing with myself. When she is around, I think I find her presence arousing (as it should be!) and so chastity periods can be quite teasing and frustrating. But this one has been a bit easier, perhaps because I've started to exercise on a more regular basis in the last couple of weeks. I find that does alter the patterns of my libido.
When I finally finished all the lines, I was quite happy and pleased with myself. I scanned them and converted the files (I'm a techie IT person, but it still took me a couple hours to scan and convert!) and sent them off to you. Then began another period of anticipation. But we subs must learn that sometimes we have to wait. Would you accept them? Would I get an additional punishment? Would I be granted an orgasm. Submitting to your decisions in those matters is both slightly nerve-racking and also quite erotic.
I waited in anticipation of your email and instructions. When I received your email, I was joyed to hear that I could have an orgasm. This morning, I did my 15 minutes exercise, then kneeled in the bedroom and masturbated to thoughts of you, of submitting to your punishment, of my Lovely Goddess, and of how it is to have someone else controlling my cock. I came in the shot glass. Then I tipped it back and drank it. It went down pretty quick. I really dislike the taste of my cum, I just don't enjoy it. It was quite difficult to do, but I know what my orders were and carried them out. Drinking my own seed feels quite powerful, as it really is something that I would *not* follow through with if left to my own devices. But I did it, and it feels like a very submissive act. I also feel there is a sort of justice to it, since I am 'cleaning up my own mess' instead of leaving stains on bed sheets, underwear, etc. So it's powerful, but I'd definitely say I'm not used to the taste itself...I don't think I'll ever get used to that. Now the taste of a woman, on the other hand... :)
And so that's where I am now. It's after midnight, but I still feel like I can feel a bit of the salty protein-rich taste on my tongue. And another day has past in which I have not viewed porn. And now I wonder when my next orgasm might be...since I have agreed that that is not in my control right now.
Thank you for taking the time to punish me, and for controlling my cock. It is a sometimes contradictory and strange journey, but I find it quite captivating and exciting. I guess that's sexual submission.
Thank you for reading these rambling notes I have written.
Yours truly,
SeekingP
* * *
Dear Mistress Magick,
Thank you for accepting my work, it makes me happy to know that the work was up to your high standards. As you noted, the scanner itself has seen better days, and does produce some spots.
I will remember your suggestion of a thank you paragraph if I'm required to write lines to you once again.
Thank you for granting me an orgasm, it was enjoyable to give myself release on your command. You requested that I think of and report on other offences:
In terms of other porn-viewing occasions, there are so many that it's difficult to know where to begin. I have been interested in porn and kinky porn for many years, and have spent quite a lot of time viewing it. I have nothing against the production or viewing of porn per se, though I find that the way porn is produced and consumed is quite symptomatic of the subjugation and objectification of women in society. However, I often have found myself spending many hours viewing porn, in search of the one picture that really does it for me and takes me over the edge. These are hours that I'm spending on my own pleasure, rather than doing more productive things for myself or for my Goddess. The submissive in me finds the waste of hours of time looking at porn to be unacceptable.
However, one common situation does stand out to me. My partner is an early riser and often goes to bed before me. I am a late bird, so I would often not go to bed with her, but rather stay up a bit later. Often I would feel horny and end up staying up very late, viewing porn and masturbating. And I would usually feel guilty afterwards...I should have been pleasuring and hugging my Goddess, but instead I've wasted my time objectifying other women and focusing my energy on them.
The other thing that I've felt deserves to be punished is my sometimes leering behaviour on the street. I smoke (yes, I do want to quit at some point, but not right at the moment. And when I do I think I want to keep quitting and my kink separate.) so when I'm at work I go outside the building and smoke. When I do so, I often find myself pacing around and turning my head in order to have a look at the buttocks of women who walk by on the sidewalk. Now, I think it's somewhat natural to look at an attractive person who walks by. But it's another thing to do so in an obvious way...and I think I cross that line sometimes. Especially when I'm feeling horny, I will leer at the bottoms of the women who walk by. I would like to change this behaviour, and I have to some extent, but there is also something quite natural and automatic about eyeing attractive people who walk by. I feel that some discipline might do me some good, though I also struggle to find a good strategy to avoid leering. Do I stare at the ground instead? There is just something so natural about watching the women walk by, I struggle to avoid it.
As to my feelings being punished, I found the experience quite powerful. I had to muster the courage to ask for a punishment on the list. Requesting punishment is a weird thing. I didn't think I'd really enjoy writing all those lines, so requesting something that will be less than pleasant is a weird thing. But I also kink on it. One thing is kinking on the punishment and having a sort of play 'offence' to justify it. But if it is something that I really feel bad about and want to change, then it somehow goes beyond just play somehow. Because a lot of kinky play is activity that I really like...but writing lines?? But I asked...and waited for a response.
I was quite excited when I got your response. I have found that anticipation can be very stimulating, guessing at what your punishment might be. I thought of doing the lines not because I wanted to, but because I wanted to improve myself and also obey a dominant woman. So that was a happy, nervous sort of anticipation. When I got the assignment, I was still quite turned on by the thought of the punishment. I savoured the opportunity to carry out your command.
Once I began writing the lines, I found it tedious, boring and painful. It was not really fun to spend all that time writing lines and having my hand hurt, even if I am a bit of a masochist. However, I knew why I was writing them and knew that I just needed to go ahead and finish. Wearing a thong while writing them also reminded me of my submission and my desire to be a good submissive slut. In my mind I thought that this punishment might help me to avoid the offensive behaviour, which made me hopeful at the same time. And I have to say I am proud that I now haven't viewed porn since the beginning of last weekend. Not really much time to be proud of, but it is nonetheless satisfying.
All that time, I didn't masturbate. With my lover not around and knowing I didn't have permission to orgasm, I found it was actually easier than I thought to abstain from playing with myself. When she is around, I think I find her presence arousing (as it should be!) and so chastity periods can be quite teasing and frustrating. But this one has been a bit easier, perhaps because I've started to exercise on a more regular basis in the last couple of weeks. I find that does alter the patterns of my libido.
When I finally finished all the lines, I was quite happy and pleased with myself. I scanned them and converted the files (I'm a techie IT person, but it still took me a couple hours to scan and convert!) and sent them off to you. Then began another period of anticipation. But we subs must learn that sometimes we have to wait. Would you accept them? Would I get an additional punishment? Would I be granted an orgasm. Submitting to your decisions in those matters is both slightly nerve-racking and also quite erotic.
I waited in anticipation of your email and instructions. When I received your email, I was joyed to hear that I could have an orgasm. This morning, I did my 15 minutes exercise, then kneeled in the bedroom and masturbated to thoughts of you, of submitting to your punishment, of my Lovely Goddess, and of how it is to have someone else controlling my cock. I came in the shot glass. Then I tipped it back and drank it. It went down pretty quick. I really dislike the taste of my cum, I just don't enjoy it. It was quite difficult to do, but I know what my orders were and carried them out. Drinking my own seed feels quite powerful, as it really is something that I would *not* follow through with if left to my own devices. But I did it, and it feels like a very submissive act. I also feel there is a sort of justice to it, since I am 'cleaning up my own mess' instead of leaving stains on bed sheets, underwear, etc. So it's powerful, but I'd definitely say I'm not used to the taste itself...I don't think I'll ever get used to that. Now the taste of a woman, on the other hand... :)
And so that's where I am now. It's after midnight, but I still feel like I can feel a bit of the salty protein-rich taste on my tongue. And another day has past in which I have not viewed porn. And now I wonder when my next orgasm might be...since I have agreed that that is not in my control right now.
Thank you for taking the time to punish me, and for controlling my cock. It is a sometimes contradictory and strange journey, but I find it quite captivating and exciting. I guess that's sexual submission.
Thank you for reading these rambling notes I have written.
Yours truly,
SeekingP
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